Thinking about how meditation has made
a difference to my life . As you know I have suffered from seizures for over 20 years and from M.E for almost 5. It is a dreadfully
debilitating illness affecting your body and mind and the symptoms vary greatly from one sufferer to another. In fact the
unpredictability of the illness is one of the worst things to deal with, you just cannot tell how you will be from one day
to the next and have to learn to live for the moment.
I think it was the idea of "just being
in the now" that first attracted me to meditation and the longing to be able to still my mind. One of my worst symptoms
has always been brain fog and the inability to shut my brain down. This is particularly bad at night, my body is so exhausted
but my mind refuses to rest, all thoughts churning around like clothes in a washing machine. Most of the time they are so
muddled and confused and mean nothing but I cannot stop them, cannot rest or sleep. During the day the muzziness drives me
mad, stopping me from concentrating and from being able to listen or chat for any length of time.
Because
of this I thought at first I would struggle to be able to meditate, that lack of concentration would mean that stillness and
peace would elude me. However, by attending your classes and by recognising the importance of daily practice, there has been
an improvement. Sometimes, when the brain is very foggy I don't attempt anything too fancy, just awareness of my breath. It
is hard to believe that something as simple as concentrating on the breath at the bottom of the nostrils can turn into such
a powerful tool and give you so much inner strength! As you suggested I imagine breathing in the life force and breathing
out the lack of energy, the negativity and the pain, it works wonders for me.
At first I thought that meditation
would have an immediate effect, like seeing fantastic lights or that my body would jolt or feel like it had been hit
by lightening but the overall experience for me has been so much more subtle. Meditation allows me to observe my thoughts
and pain, not to focus on them and to have a sense of detachment in which I feel at peace and able to live in
the now.
My illness used to make me feel extremely frustrated but meditation has allowed me to reflect and
view it from a calm perspective, to learn acceptance . It has allowed my body and mind to slow down and rest, to access
stillness.
I think I read on your website that "the crux of meditation is "know thyself". To
know yourself not to be the physical body or mind, to know yourself to be something more, a spiritual being". These words
mean so much.
Three things have kept me sane throughout this illness, the love and support of my family, my garden
and meditation. I do not know how I would have coped without them.
So thank you so much for all your support
and teachings. They have helped me become a stronger person, to deal with the anger, frustration, pain and lack of self esteem.
Also I have learnt not to take anything for granted, to appreciate the little things in life and most importantly, just
to live for now.
I am truly grateful that you have shown me the path to silence, a place where I can, if only for
a short time forget all the pain, negativity, fogginess, frustration and just be me.
Feel free to
use any of the above on your website, hope more people benefit from your experience and teachings. Makes such a difference
knowing someone is there to nudge you in the right direction, we all feel a little lost at times.